Disease or not

"I am suffering from a disease of stardom and possibly it is the cause of my present situation. First of all, what this disease is about? It is about the constant feeling of standing out from everyone else. It is when a person excessively uses the word 'I'. It is when someone keeps feeling that he is special and he must have some godly supernatural capability and that wherever he will go, he will be successful. It is practically a state of paranoia which as far as I understand is a crisis among a large number of masses. For me, it has ruined me. Unnecessary and for no reason I embarked on journeys to prove myself. But the problem is why do I have to prove myself and to whom? How has this feeling come into being in me? Like everything, it is again society. I am stupid and I have already lost a quarter of my life to nothing and in absolute zero. My existence is fruitless. But then whose existence is fruitful? Who is God? What makes people seek God, achieve Godliness and how is it related to my disease? In the infinite universe, I don't even stand for being a dust particle and I am unable to outgrow this proving saga. 'Respect' is yet one of the tools of society to proliferate this. Society is mischievous to use this, intentionally - unintentionally. As far as it is there, it will continue to propagate sufferings and block the happiness out of a living being. Selfish men, when will you stop? Selfish me, what's it are you waiting for? Found a purpose for the sake of getting busy or do you really know something? What do you know? You know nothing. Idiot. I wish that I stop pretending, stop faking and live simply, like real dust... or maybe prove all this wrong and continue believing..." - - late night thoughts...